I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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