The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
