p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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