It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
