It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
