I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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