I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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