She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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