my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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