We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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