today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
