I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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