Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
