Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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