god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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