he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
