oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
even my farts smell like vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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