90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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