Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
