Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
