Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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