I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
