Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
