I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
