I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
