And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
