i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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