we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
