After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
