Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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