Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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