So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
