I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
