Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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