im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
