Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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