I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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