she woke up with a sticky ear
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Shame - the story of my life.
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