I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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