we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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