okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
