so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He did a backflip because drugs
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
