I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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