Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
