its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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