Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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