K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i barfeds in our rink
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
