(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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