you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
