forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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