I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
