Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
