You made me cry and you don't even care
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
