Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
