i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
