my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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