Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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