my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
love makes seman taste better
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
