you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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