I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
