Sponge bath it is.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
