i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
